Nehi Night: Socializing (or not) in a War Zone

This oddity was here when American troops rolled onto the palace grounds. Although a murdering psycopath, Saddam was pretty practical with this and the little insect devouring machines that live in it. And Batman would be jealous. It's a man-made bat cave. Talk a about good material for a pick-up line . . .

What does one do to socialize in a war zone without an officer’s club, where you are encouraged to leave the dining facility as soon as possible so others can take a seat and where general order #1 is NO ALCOHOL (which really blows, by the way)? The answer? Nehi Night! For those of you who may remember the diligent yet easily befuddled character of Corporal Radar O’Reily on the TV series M*A*S*H*, you might also recall that Radar’s favorite drink at the MASH canteen was the non-alcoholic Grape Nehi. So our general, the chief logistician in theater, hosts a monthly Nehi night for his staff (about 65 of us). The last one was a few nights ago. I’ve decided that I’m going to wait to mobilize again until I too am a flag officer. It’s good to be a general.

My boss, CAPT Brantley, and I pose with the General we all work for, and the host of the evening, Brigadier General Anderson.

My office mate Manny and I enjoy some steak. Manny is a civilian employee of the Department of Defense. Note my combat utensils loaded in my tactical breast pocket . . .

There was a BBQ in back with steak cooking away and expeditionary lighting. “Expeditionary lighting you say Bob? Ohhhh, so it was like all red light to prevent the enemy from seeing you?” No, sorry folks. Expeditionary lighting was in the form of a Ford Explorer with the headlights turned on so the cooks could see what was going on. We had a petty officer who was given the collateral duty of turning the lights back on every time they automatically turned off. The base is filled with near-beer though, so you can still get the swilly taste of a bad beer but without the desired effects of a bad beer, which is why people buy bad beer in the first place, isn’t it? The downer is that all of the usual pick-up lines have to be completely re-tooled for a war environment because
1. There aren’t that many women around
2. There are even fewer available women
3. There are even fewer attractive available women
4. There are even fewer attractive available women who are my same pay grade.
5. There are even fewer attractive available women who are my same pay grade AND have a relaxed attitude about the Navy’s regulations on fraternization . . .
So not a whole lot going on here. The military is fond of saying “train like you fight and fight like you train.” I feel as though if that is the case, I should train like I flirt and flirt like I train. I don’t feel as though the Navy is supporting my personal development on this front . . . . “Dear Congressman . . . . .”

And now for a special feature I’d like to call, “Meet a Member of the Coalition”

This month’s coalition member – the Pacific island nation of Tonga! Tonga has a small group of Marines here at Camp Victory. They do a lot of the sentry duty at key points in camp. These are REALLY tough looking guys. As if they bench press each other in their off time. But once they see the appropriate ID card, you always get a huge toothy grin and warm greeting. There are 48 Tongan Marines in Iraq, which equals approximately 25% of the entire Tongan Marine Corps. As a percentage of national population, Tonga is contributing about the same number of troops as the U.S.

With Al Faw Palace in the background, welcome to this month's edition of Meet a Member of the Coalition!